Without in any way wishing to sway the judging for next week’s Jackenhack Awards and purely because it got me chuckling so very much, worth re-printing is the nomination for The Daily Mail and Mail on Sunday in the ‘Digital Refusnik of the Year’ category:We wouldn’t want you running away with the idea that the number of bullet points appended to this nomination is in any way significant. Oh no. Anyway, we thought we’d nominate the Mail for suggesting that use of Facebook and Twitter will. . .

• increase your chances of getting cancer
• make you eat too much
• deprive you of the ability to feel compassion
• fill you with jealousy
• incite you to stalk your partner
• make you immoral (if you weren’t already)
• cause you to dishonour the memory of Winston Churchill
• result in your becoming addicted to friendships (but only if you are a woman)
• make you like Charles Manson
• result in your children being exposed to pornography
• result in your children being exposed to prostitution
• result in your children being exposed to drugs
• damage your child’s brain
• turn your children into criminals
• increase the risk of being branded as a prostitute and having your life ruined
• cause you to fail to relax on holiday
• make you run amok, destroying an award-winning garden in Leeds
• cause your partner to go into a coma after crashing a motorbike (but only if you are Lauren Booth, and only if you change your status from “married” to “single” after a domestic)
• increase the chances of your husband hacking you to death with a meat cleaver (but only if you change your status from “married” to “single”)
• put you at risk of online crime
• make you sufficiently vain to retouch digital photographs of yourself
• prompt you to befriend imprisoned criminals
• waste British businesses £132m every day
• make you laugh about serious car crashes
• turn you into “a foolish Facebook mum” (but only if you are Suzanne Moore)
• cause you to lie about serving with the SAS
• turn you into a ‘hypocrite’ (like Jim Knight, the former schools minister who “lectures parents on computer-obsessed children – but has 900 online friends”)
• turn us all into a nation of introverts